JAMES WARD: I LIKE BORING THINGS

Concerned about Sabha Subedar’s safety, on Tuesday, I took the day off work and went to Milton Keynes.

As the 12:24 London Midland train pulled out of Euston station, it occurred to me that I had forgotten to find out the address of the Argos head office. Not only that, but I suddenly began to wonder if it was actually in Milton Keynes at all. Was I going to the right place? It seemed pointless to worry about it now, the train was already moving, and so I settled down and ate the Chicken & Bacon sandwich I had bought from M&S Simply Food.

Eventually, the train arrived at Milton Keynes.

I wasn’t really sure where to go. Fortunately, there was a nearby information sign.

I was impressed by how neatly organised Milton Keynes was. All of the civic buildings were in one corner:

And all of the cultural and recreational buildings were in another corner:

I studied the map.

Avebury. That sounded familiar. Near the Central Business Exchange. I wandered off in what I hoped was the right direction.

Eventually, I found the road:

All of the main roads seemed to be described as “boulevards”. I quite liked that attempt at capturing Parisian sophistication. I am not sure if it was entirely successful though. Avebury Boulevard sort of looks like how I’d imagine Paris shortly after a nuclear holocaust.

And then I saw it. The Home Retail Group building.

The building had featured in Superman IV and I was pleased to see it hadn’t lost any of its Hollywood glamour.

I wasn’t sure what to do next. I went inside.

I walked up to the man at reception.

I asked if Sabha Subedar still worked there. He typed her name into the computer. “There is a Sabha listed here”, he said. “Hold on a second, I’ll see if she used her pass today”. I was incredibly nervous. “Hmmm, she hasn’t been in for a while. I’ll try her number.” He dialled. “Do you have a Sabha in your team there?” he spoke into the phone. “There’s a Nicky Wilson there now” he told me, “Sabha might have been a temp, it normally takes a while to update the phone directory. Do you want to speak to Nicky?” Nicky Wilson. This name was new to me, although I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before she sends me an email thanking me for my application but regretfully informing me that on this occasion I was unsuccessful but that it doesn’t mean that my skills and abilities would not be suitable for other roles within the Home Retail Group and that I should continue to check the website for new vacancies.

I walked back to the station. “Might have been a temp”. I don’t buy that for one second.