DEED POLL PART TWO
Written by James Ward
I managed to speak to Claudia in the end. I recorded the call on my phone, but I’m not sure how to transfer the file to upload it on here. It’s probably quite easy (EDIT: now uploaded, see below). In the meantime, this is a transcript of the conversation:
Deed Poll Office receptionist: Hello, Deed Poll Office, how can I help?
James Ward: Hi, can I speak to Claudia please?
Deed Poll Office receptionist: Yes, who’s calling?
James Ward: It’s James Ward
Deed Poll Office receptionist: Bear with me a second.[PUT ON HOLD]
Claudia: Hello, is that James?
James Ward: Yeah, hello. Hi, is that Claudia?
Claudia: Hello, it’s Claudia speaking. Thank you for returning my call. We received your email…
James Ward: Yeah.
Claudia: …saying that you require a name cha– Am I right in thinking that you want a name change document…
James Ward: Yeah.
Claudia: Although you don’t intend to change your name?
James Ward: Yeah, I want, I want to change, well effectively to change my name from James Michael Ward to James Michael Ward.
Claudia: With exactly the same spelling.
James Ward: Yep.
Claudia: So effectively there’s no change.
James Ward: Erm, well, no.
Claudia: Right. You can’t do that.
James Ward: Can I not?
Claudia: No. Because it’s a name change document… you are… it says in the document that you are relinquishing your previous name, so the fact there is no change whatsoever means you are not doing that.
James Ward: Right. OK. So it’s not possible.
Claudia: No, it’s certainly not possible. To have… I mean, that’s why it’s called “change of name”. You need to have some sort of change.
James Ward: Right.
Claudia: And, it can’t…otherwise, it would just be a certificate of your name, which is what your birth certificate is, effectively.
James Ward: OK. So, I guess if I changed my name to something else and then changed it back…
Claudia: If you changed your name to something else and… why do you want this?
James Ward: Erm.
Claudia: I’m just trying to understand why you…
James Ward: Well, you know, when you’re given your name as a child – a baby…
Claudia: Yeah.
James Ward: You don’t get to have any say in the matter. So now I’m just kind of like… I want my name to be something I’ve chosen rather than something given to me.
Claudia: Right. I understand that…but most people, if they’re a bit affronted by the fact that their parents have chosen their name for them and they want to chose it themselves, they will choose a slightly different name or a completely different name.
James Ward: Yeah.
Claudia: There would be some sort of difference.
James Ward: Yeah.
Claudia: But you’re…
James Ward: I happen to agree with the choice that my parents made…
Claudia: So, you agree with the choice your parents made for you name, but you want to have a certificate saying…
James Ward: Yeah, that I made the choice myself.
Claudia: That you chose it.
James Ward: Yeah.
Claudia: You want a certificate saying that you agree with your parents.
James Ward: Yeah. It’s like if you were baptised, and you have confirmation when you’re sort of thirteen or whatever, it’s the same sort of thing but with a name.
Claudia: I mean, if you… if you wanted, literally, a certificate of your name, the only way to do it would be to… change your name to something different and then do another deed poll changing it from that name…
James Ward: Back.
Claudia: Back to the name you want to be. But you wouldn’t be able to present it to anyone. I mean, it would… you know, because presumably you wouldn’t want to actually go round and apply for a new passport and everything for a name that you don’t actually want and then have to show them the new deed poll going to the name that you want, the name that you are at the moment.
James Ward: No. That would…
Claudia: I mean…
James Ward: That would be a waste of time.
Claudia: Yeah. I mean, really wouldn’t it be cheaper just to go on Photoshop and create yourself a little certificate saying that you’d like…
James Ward: But…
Claudia: I know it sounds daft, but that’s effectively what we’d be doing for you. I mean, it’s not possible, no-one’s going to be able to do it because of the fact you can’t say that you’re relinquishing your name and there certainly, as far as I’m aware, aren’t companies out there which cater for someone saying “I really like my name and I agree, you know, with the choice that my parents have made”.
James Ward: Maybe it’s a service you could offer.
Claudia: To be honest… our company’s been running ten years and we’re the largest issuer of deed polls in the UK and I have never encountered someone like you who doesn’t really want a name change, they just want to say they agree with their parents and they have effectively chosen it for themselves. You’re quite unique, I don’t think we’d be able to market it to many people.
James Ward: I thought there’d be loads… I thought…
Claudia: I mean…
James Ward: Maybe I’ll go on Dragon’s Den.
Claudia: I mean, there… there just really isn’t much we can do. If you don’t want to change…if you were changing one letter of your name we’d be able to do a deed poll, it’s not a problem.
James Ward: Right.
Claudia: Because that is technically a name change then. But, for you to not change your name at all…
James Ward: Yeah…
Claudia: There’s nothing we can do for you.
James Ward: Alright, well thanks for looking into it anyway…
Claudia: No, that’s fine, I mean, just bear with me one second…[PUT ON HOLD]
Claudia: Hello?
James Ward: Hello.
Claudia: I was just checking, because your…because we were ready to process your application, we have already charged your card but we will issue a refund for it…
James Ward: Right.
Claudia: Later on today. Unless you want to rethink the name change and change it by one letter or something which we can certainly do and issue a deed poll for you, but we can’t issue a document if you’re not changing in the slightest.
James Ward: Yeah. OK. Well, if you just issue the refund and then if I change my mind, I’ll do a new application.
Claudia: That’s not a problem, we’ll do that for you later on today.
James Ward: OK.
Claudia: OK, sorry about that. Thanks for getting in touch though.
James Ward: Thanks.
Claudia: Thank you. Bye.
James Ward: Bye.
I am still, and remain, James Ward. But it is still not legally recognised that this is a name I have chosen for myself. According to Wikipedia, all you need is a piece of paper with the following wording signed and witnessed:
Change of name deed by [former name] of [address]
I have given up my name [former name] and have adopted for all purposes the name [new name].
Signed as a deed on [date] as [former name] and [new name] in the presence of [witness’s name, signature and address].
It feels like cheating to do it myself like that though. There needs to be some sort of ritual, some ceremony. Something. Not a document I’ve put together myself in Word and printed out. That’s not enough. I might go to a solicitor and see if they’ll do it for me, it will cost a lot more, but for that reason, they are more likely to agree.
EDIT: I’ve worked out how to upload the sound file, which means that I wasted quite a lot of time typing all that out and you’ve wasted quite a lot of time reading it. Sorry about that.
I love the fact she actually suggested you “create yourself a little photoshop certificate”.
Perhaps you could get your mate themanwhofell to draft one up?
The difficulty for you, James Ward – and I will always think of you as such, even if you change your name to James Ward – is that the deed poll process does mean that you have to relinquish your old name before taking on a new one. For a micro-second, you will be nameless. Have you thought through the ramifications of this? If I were your parents, I would be insulted for that micro-second. Think on.
Someone at work wanted to know what I was laughing at and I just couldn’t even begin to explain.
this is bloody hilarious. thank you. it’s always nice to be called unique, unless of course you don’t like to be unique, in that case it’s a horrible thing to say.
Wait – James Ward is your REAL name?
I’ve been thinking it’s a pseudonym. Or a euphemism.
James, James, James. Just sometimes you absolutely justify your existence.
why pay a solicitor, get Geoff Lloyd to do it on the show, could even have a listener as witness.
Splendid!
And Claudia sounds lovely.
Top marks all round.
I have been in touch with several people who changed their name – for a laugh.
My favourite is a Scottish guy, called Spaceship Amazing. He works in a warehouse.
Good work James. Maybe Seamus (the Irish James) would be an idea?
The line “I happen to agree with the choice my parents made” is one of the great comedy moments of 2010.
Heh heh :) This is great.
Claudia actually seems pretty decent. And I agree with Rhodri about the “I happen to agree with the choice my parents made” line. Beautiful :)
“That would be a waste of time.” Poignant moment of insight for us all, I think. Thank you.
Claudia sounds like a thoroughly efficient young lady. I think perhaps, James, your next project should be drawing up some kind of document explaining James Ward. As Bruce implies, those of us who ever have to describe you struggle a bit. At the moment, it’s a bit, ‘Mutter mumble Twirls mumble pointy shoes mutter mumble Argos pens. Oh, and a gravel pit.’ Then a final, triumphant, ‘AND HE WON A TRIP TO NEW YORK!’ to prevent sectioning. It really won’t do.
I was in the solicitor’s once and in the waiting room there was a woman and a solicitor and she was swearing an oath. She just had to say I swear blah blah whatever it was, and he witnessed her doing it, and then she gave him a tenner. I suppose there was some documentation to legally prove that he had witnessed her solemnly declaring whatever it was, and it was only a tenner. He was sitting on the windowsill in the waiting room: it was both extremely formal, and informal at the same time, as well as quite cheap. Maybe you could pay a solicitor to witness you solemnly swearing that you agree with your parents re the whole name thing? It’s a thought. Maybe even an audioboo?
Whatever Claudia is paid, IT IS NOT ENOUGH! (*)
(*) unless she is paid a lot of money.
I work at a firm of family law solicitors, and we deal with deed polls all the time.
The best one was a very friendly Pakistani guy who wanted to change his lengthy Muslim name, but couldn’t decide what to change it to. When reminded he had to choose something, he eventually plumped for “William Wallace”, because he’d enjoyed watching the film “Braveheart” about 15 years previously. But then he changed his mind, and said he actually wanted “William Willice” instead. No amount of argument from us could convince him that there was no Scottish national hero named “William Willice”, so determined was he to go through with it; he had us draw up all the paperwork for him so he could take it home and show his family.
Next day, his rather irate brother accompanied him to our office to put a stop to this before it happened. It was a bit sad, really, and we did explain to the guy that it was his decision and not his brother’s, but it had obviously quite upset his family so he solemnly stated he didn’t want to go through with it any more.
As he and his brother left the office, he turned round whilst walking through the street, looked through the window, grinned broadly and made a highly exaggerated “Call me!” gesture at us.
James, I’m a solicitor and was pointed at this by a friend. If you’re able to come to my office in Blackfriars, I think I may be able to help you via the route Peter Fletcher suggests – all I would ask is a donation of £5 to Asylum Aid (£5 being our usual fee for witnessing declarations and the like.) E-mail me if you’d like to set something up, and we can discuss exactly how to go about it.
Hi, thanks for the kind offer – a solicitor friend of mine has already offered to witness it, however I’ll still make the £5 donation. How does that sound?
I’ve got a bit of a crush on lovely Claudia.
This is going to end in some kind of disfiguring tattoo.
Please don’t inflict your personality on other people like this (unless they voluntarily come to read your blog).
This kind of thing really aggravates me…mindless beauracracy. And when they encounter a situation that doesnt fit their forms…or is unusual…but doesnt violate any rules…they just make something up…then stand by it with confidence. I remember one time I was in a restaurant in a US Government facility…I ordered a club sandwich with a fried egg. The waitress said that it was not on the menu. I asked if they could just add the egg and charge me. She said “Let me check” and then went in the back and came out and said “Sorry, we don’t do that”. I asked her “Why not?” and she looked liek someone had hit her in the face with a hammer. I told her that the menu listed an order for 1 fried egg and asked why they couldnt just add the egg to the sandwich. She said “Let me check” and disappeared again. She came back a minute later and said “Im sorry…we CANT do that”. I then told her I would just order the sandwich and the fried egg seperately and put the egg on the sandwich myself. She frowned and said “Let me check”. I asked her if she would refuse to sell me the egg if I told her I was going to put in on my sandwich. She just put her head down and scratched my order angrily on the ticket and stormed off…When I finally got my order, I placed the fried egg on my sandwich and began eating. I saw her watching me and shaking her head…I half expected security to show up and tase me, I swear.
Sorry…bureaucracy…I mistyped it.
Brilliant. I mean, I changed my name then changed it back a few years later, but to skip the intermediate step, fantastic.
Or asinine. Can’t decide…