It’s only the eighth of November, and I am already on my second poppy of the year. Well, I say “poppy”, closer inspection reveals it to be made of coloured paper and plastic.
The first one only lasted a day or so. I bought the replacement on Saturday. We shall see how long it lasts.
There is a flaw in the design of these poppies. In order to attach the poppy, you are issued simply with a pin. A regular straight pin. The idea is that you insert the pin into, then out of, the fabric of your lapel and then into and out of it again. This creates a section where the pin forms a metal bar, behind which the poppy stalk can be passed through and held in place by the sort of sticky-outy bit of the stalk.
The problem, as far as I see it, is that the sticky-outy bit* is on the front of the stalk. This works fine if you are attaching the poppy to a shirt or jumper or some such item of clothing without an actual buttonhole. I wear my poppy on my coat however, passing it through the button-hole in my lapel. Consequently, all of the pinwork is reversed and the sticky-outy bit is all but useless. I have to contort the stem to enable it to function. It would be better to have a sticky-outy bit on both the front and back. Although even this would not be ideal.
The ideal solution would be to have two triangular sections added to the left and right of the stalk (rather than the front and back). I have illustrated this below (please note, this is just a rough sketch to explain the concept and should not be taken as an indication of what the finished, improved poppy would look like):
There’s something slightly effeminate about that stalk. Anyway, the point is, this new design would allow the pin to pass through the “arms” and behind the stalk, holding it securely, illustrated below:
Now, it can’t possibly be the case that in all these years, no-one at the British Legion has ever spotted the problem with the current poppy design. It can’t be that they have never noticed the soggy bits of red and green paper lying on our pavements. They must be aware that something is wrong. And yet, they choose to do nothing. What could be the reason for such inaction? Obviously, the radical new design I have suggested above would require retooling in all of their factories. It’s slightly more complicated to manufacture. But can that on its own be the reason they are sticking with this clearly flawed design? No, there must be some deeper reason.
Ask yourself, which organisation, after all these years, is still making money from the First World War? Germany isn’t even paying reparations anymore. The one organisation still raking it in, year in year out, is the Royal British Legion. Why, when suckers like me end up having to buy replacement poppies every few days, would they cut off this lucrative second income stream? Those bastards. Those kind, charitable bastards.
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* I apologise for not knowing the correct term, please do let me know what it is called, perhaps it is in fact the stalk, and the other bit is the stem. Wikipedia is suggesting some sort of internode/petiole absurdity but I will take no part in such nonsense.
I like the black plastic center of the poppy which holds it all together.
Your stalk, especially in the first diagram, certainly says, “Woops!” I’m glad you noticed is. I thought that maybe there was something I wasn’t admitting to myself.
I never seem to be given a pin and then I realise when it’s too late and I’m half way down the down escalator. THEN I realise that the button hole on the lapel of my coat is NOT actually a hole, but a display slit. Everywhere I turn, I am thwarted by bad design and the front pocket of my bag is full of scrunched up paper/plastic poppies.
The Royal British Legion should implement James Ward’s design. But to thwart those who would wear the same poppy year after year, they should alter the design as they do with red noses. I am not in any way suggesting that amusing faces or squeakers be attached to the poppies as that would be disrespectful.
You may have something there … http://tinyurl.com/looks-on-impressed
If you were a child you would have been supplied with a poppy with no stalk, and an adhesive back. I bet you regret aging now don’t you?
The poppy “FACTORY” is in Richmond.
How about something like a date? 1919-2010 for this year and then, 1919-2011 for the following year and then, 1919-2012 for the following year and then, 1919-2013 for the following year and then, 1919-2014 for the following year and then, 1919-2015 for the following year and then, 1919-2016 for the following year and then, 1919-2017 for the following year and then, 1919-2018 for the following year and then, 1919-2019 for the following year and then, 1919-2020 for the following year and then, 1919-2021 for the following year and then, 1919-2022 for the following year and then… Do you get my drift?
In unrelated news: James, did you know about this web-site?
http://www.virtualstapler.com/
The moment I saw it, I thought of you (and of Stationery Club, of course)