CAMPING
Written by James Ward
A while ago, I bought a Friday The 13th boxset featuring the first eight films of the series. There are two other films which aren’t in the boxset, because they were made after the boxset was released. Freddy Vs Jason (which for some reason I actually saw in cinema) and the remake of the original film aren’t in the boxset either. Anyway, at the weekend, I watched the first four films from the boxset. I’d forgotten how bad the original film is, and they get steadily worse1. I’ve still got four more to go. I’m not sure why I’m watching them, nor why I’ll probably end up buying the other films too and watching them as well.
As I was watching them, I thought how I’d never gone camping with a group of friends like the people do in these films. I went camping as a child, when I was in cubs and then later in scouts2. I’ve never been camping as an adult. It looks fun though. Loading up a minibus with beer and driving out to the woods to go skinny dipping and have casual sex. Admittedly, they mostly end up getting hacked to death, but up until then, they seem to have lots of fun. It’s sort of like an informal version of Logan’s Run.
It’s not even proper camping. The campsite has little wood cabins. But there are trees and a big lake and stuff. I once stayed somewhere a bit like that in Finland. My friend was getting married and they’d somehow wangled for some of the guests to stay in this sort of campsite thing by a lake. It actually looked like Camp Crystal Lake, and you really could imagine getting attacked by a deranged serial killer3 but it was a bit too neat and civilised and it was too cold to go skinny dipping and we didn’t even have any beer or anything.
I’d quite like to go camping. I mentioned this on Twitter last night and had an idea that there could be a sort of Twitter camp, where a bunch of people from Twitter go camping. It’s a simple idea. It would be organised like a cub camp, and possibly there could be actual cub scout leaders who would run it. We’d sit around the campfire and sing songs and tell ghost stories and that sort of thing. It would be great. I can’t be bothered to organise it though. If someone else sorted out all the details, I’d probably go. Go on, someone, organise a Twitter camp.
——
NOTES
1 The third film was released in 3D. The DVD version I have isn’t actually in 3D and the way certain shots are framed to maximise the 3D impact is quite distracting. There’s lots of scenes of people waving long poles at the camera needlessly and people throwing things. I’m sure it looked AMAZING in cinema though.
2 I won “cub of the camp” two years running which was unprecedented at the time and possibly never equalled.
3 There have been two occasions in my life when I’ve thought I might actually be in a low-quality slasher movie. The first was the time in Finland. The second time was when I was looking for a flat. We arrived at one property and the estate agent knocked on the door. There was no answer, so he opened the door. The flat had recently been converted from what I think was once a shop, and as a result, the layout was quite unconventional. A long corridor twisted round into the front room, we walked in and suddenly a man emerged from underneath a pile of newspapers on the sofa. We went into the kitchen and, on the hob was a large pan containing what I hope was a joint of ham. Someone who was clearly quite ill had just used the toilet in the bathroom and was clearly so unwell, they didn’t have the strength to flush it afterwards. With grim fascination, we continued looking round until we found the door to the backyard. It contained four huge metal cages, each about six foot tall. We quickly left. The estate agent apologised afterwards and said it was the first time he’d ever been there and had no plans to ever return.
JAMES WARD: I LIKE BORING THINGS 
in America, camps like Camp Crystal Lake used to be more common. as in the early FRiday the 13th films, they were summer camps for children, with adult/teen counselors. Some regular campgrounds do offer little cabins for adults, but these tend to get booked years in advance.
For many years as a pre-teen and teenager I got to go to Camp (albeit a Baptist-Christian one) for two weeks every summer in the mountains of So. California. The faintest whiff of pine scent today and I’m transported to cabin life with 5 other girls whose aim of the day was to sneak up on the boys’ cabins “miles” away.
We never had sufficient free time to do it, however, as we had rota kitchen duties, sing-alongs around a campfire with a hundred other boys & girls, rowdy meals in the Mess at 40-foot-long tables, hiking, swimming — and — brainwashing sessions morning, noon and night. (They didn’t stick.)
One night, four young camp counsellors — two couples — (with a car!!) didn’t return, from a drive, in time for dinner. We were told to pray for their return, but we all knew they were surely dead (the only possible reason they had not returned…) Good times.
You just want to watch what casual suggestions you make on Twitter, is all I’m saying. That and throwing something out there and then saying “but you lot get on and organise it” sounds a bit “Big Society” to me.
Sounds great I am packing my tent in anticipation.
I can organise rabbit skinning lessons, making flat bread, fire lighting skills, and if you want to add a sense of danger there could be a guy that walks around making jokes about death and murder that you are not quite sure whether he is actually joking or not… I CAN BE THAT GUY!
I can feel the long cold pause of non-verbal rejection.
Actual cub scout leaders? Really? Maybe the lady ones….
@ Jungledon — “…long cold pause of non-verbal rejection…” You are a funny guy. Ever think the TV Survivor show could use more of your kind of joking? or maybe arm them? (Oh, wait, they do have machetes…) NOW we’re talkin’ survivor.
I wish I wasn’t a massively fucking lazy bastard who likes sitting down more than any other activity in the world. Because if I wasn’t that person, I’d totally organise this.
It’s probably not that difficult to organise, first you just need to get everyone on Twitter to decide on a weekend when everyone’s free, then you just need to get everyone to agree on a location they can all get too easily, then you need to find a campsite near that location which is available on that weekend and which isn’t too expensive (probably best to get everyone on Twitter to decide on a maximum price too). Then buy or hire all the equipment you need and go camping.
I’m not sure about Twitter Camp as I think it might be full of really nice, attractive single women and lots of desperate, miserable men, which won’t end happily for either group (and I’m not in either category), but I can heartily recommend camping. It is very cheap and very fun. I’ve got a tent you can borrow if you need one. It’s got a 6’2″ head height. These are the kinds of things that become important when you go camping.
I saw Friday 13th Part 3 in 3D at the cinema and vividly remember an eyeball (popping out from a squished head) flying towards me.
I also enjoyed Amityville IV in 3D. Those were the days.
I saw Friday 13th Part 3 in 3D. The only bit I remember is when a head gets squashed and an eyeball flew out of the screen.
Bugger. I’m too late. Simon – did you see it at Kirkcaldy cinema ? My mum took me (true – I was 17 and my mum lied to the cashier that I was 18. It is the only lie my mum ever told).