CHEERS THANKS
Written by James Ward
Last night, I went to see curly-haired wandering minstrel Martin Carr perform a gig in Clerkenwell.
I took some photos:
I like the second photo best, it has a nice warm glow.
The gig was in the basement of a pub. The upstairs, or rather ground floor, of the pub was a pub. Before going downstairs, I bought a drink from the bar.
Over the years, I have somehow got into the habit of saying “Cheers, thanks” when I am handed my change after making a purchase. I’m not sure where this phrase came from, or how it entered my vocabulary, but it has been there for quite a while. I don’t like the phrase. It’s tautologous. Why “cheers, thanks”? Why not just “cheers” or just “thanks”? Think of how much energy I have wasted over the years with this pointless repetition of gratitude. Sometimes I try to justify it. The “cheers” could be for the drink or other item I have bought, the “thanks” for giving me my change. Although this is just post-rationalisation and isn’t even true. I say it even when paying with the correct money. Perhaps the “thanks” then could be a sign of gratitude for the service I have received. I remain unconvinced.
Last night, I decided to make a change. You only get one shot at life, and if you’re not happy with something, you have to take control and change it. Life isn’t a rehearsal.
I bought a drink. A pint of Red Stripe. The barmaid poured my pint. I handed over a five pound note. She handed me my change. I went for it. “Thank you”, I said.
It’s still two syllables. It’s not more efficient. But at least it’s not pointlessly repetitive. I’d planned what I was going to say as she was pouring my drink. “I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it” I thought. “Thank you.”
It was a disaster.
“Thank you”, the words seemed alien in my mouth. They came out all wrong. “Thank you.” I sounded like a lunatic. The “thank” was high-pitched and unsure of itself, almost falling over as it came tumbling out of my life.1 The “you” was over-long. It was as if I thought that stretching out the “you” would hide the fact that the “thank” had been so bad, when in reality, it just exacerbated the problem and turned the whole phrase into a stupid, idiotic mess. The words had no meaning, they were just sounds. The wrong sounds.
I’m never doing it again. “Cheers, thanks” is the phrase I’m sticking with.
I liked Martin Carr’s gig.
——
NOTES
1What I actually meant to write here was this:
The “thank” was high-pitched and unsure of itself, almost falling over as it came tumbling out of my mouth.
I have no idea why or how I typed “life” instead of “mouth”, but possibly the phrase I typed originally is better. “The words came tumbling out of my life”. An evocative phrase, but I’m not quite sure what it actually evokes.
JAMES WARD: I LIKE BORING THINGS 
Cheers, thanks
I don’t like it when people say “Ta”. I’ve never said “Ta” and I don’t want anyone to say “Ta” at me. It’s odd.
Love, Tyler
PS Why is there some sort of pentagram on the wall? Were you in a devil-worshipping pub?
You left out your attempts at “wooing”. Otherwise an excellent review.
My problem is that I say “cheers” three times during the drink-purchasing process. I order the beer. They acknowledge my order and I say “cheers”. They hand me the beer and I say “cheers” and then when they hand me my change I also say “cheers”. I think it stems from a class/identity crisis. I never feel totally comfortable in pubs, and overplay my man-of-the-people hand by overusing “cheers”.
I think part of the problem with cheers is that quite often you say it to someone that you share a drink with. In some pubs, the rules are pretty lax and staff are probably allowed to have a drink while they’re on duty. In others, they probably take a harder line. Trouble is, if the person serving you likes a drink, they’re probably going to think that you’re goading them or teasing them. If I like the cut of the person’s jib, I usually fix them with a wide-eyed stare, press £2.85 into their palm and say “cheers for a little bit later on when you’re off duty”.
I’ve got into the habit of saying “Lovely, thank you” when being given my change. There’s nothing particularly lovely about change, and the service I receive is generally satisfactory, but rarely goes beyond that, and I use even when buying cigarettes, which are not particularly lovely things. I don’t think I’d say it if I had a combination of being short changed while receiving very bad service while being overcharged for something very nasty, so maybe I’ll stick to those sorts of purchases in future.
I’ll buy some toenail clippings from a tramp, for which he’ll charge me £10. I’ll hand over a twenty and he’ll insist it was a tenner I gave him, then call me a wanker and vomit on my shoes. “Lovely, thanks”? I don’t think so. Not unless it was said with really cutting sarcasm.
I say ‘Thanks that’s great’ in a deadpan. A friendly deadpan. I’m not a monster.
The amount of words used to register appreciation, shouldn’t be a matter of embarrassment.
Saying “cheers, thanks” four times is only a nervous – yet friendly – acknowledgment that you have been SERVED.
My concern now is if Martin said ‘Cheers, thanks’ at the end of his gig?
wow, martin carr is smaller than i was expecting, he’s only slightly bigger than that pint glass.
unless it’s a really big pint glass…
The ironic thing is, when you weren’t looking, Martin Carr played the theme from Cheers.
I too said “Cheers, Thanks” as habit. I’ve since changed this to “I thank you” or “Thanks, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day/evening/morning”.
Both probably make me appear a wanker, but at least i’ve usually made someone smile.
For some reason, it bothers me when people preceed their order with “Can I get…”. I just bark out the name of the product I’m ordering. This may make me seem rather curt.
When I first came to England, I found it really queer that people said “Cheers” instead of “Thank you”/”Thanks”. I also find it weird that instead of saying “Hello”, people say “How’s it going?” as a way of greeting. When I first came, I had someone wander away from me halfway while I was giving an answer to aforementioned question/greeting.
What a strange lot of people you all are.
Have any of you noticed that clerks — in any establishment that has a point of sale — don’t thank the buyer for buying something, but the customer says “Thanks” when they get their change change and/or the bag of goods. I asked a youth last week when this happened and he just starred at me and said, “Huh?” (He has never known differently I guess.)
Maybe it’s different in England. I am in Canada and it has been endemic here for years.
My husband, who is British, always says “Cheers” whenever he is given anything to drink, anywhere, even if it is water.