JAMES WARD: I LIKE BORING THINGS

As the title suggests, this post is the third part of a series of posts about obscure pop group Hussey. You might want to read part one and part two first, otherwise the following may not make much sense.

I began to wonder who was behind Hussey. Who was their Simon Fuller, their Malcolm McLaren, their Larry Parnes? Who created them?

Although I only became aware of Hussey in May 2004, the Wayback Machine first took a capture of the Hussey website in 2002.

The website gives the background story of how Hussey were formed:

Meet ‘HUSSEY’ the Academy in Kent’s home-grown talented bubble-gum pop group tipped to take over where the Spice Girls left off by the UK music industry.

Following the audition recently held in Maidstone Television Studios the Triple A Multimedia Group are preparing to release the group’s debut single ‘The Hussey Hustle’ on the Academy’s own record label, Triple A Records Ltd.

Music entrepreneur, Terry Armstrong, and a panel of media experts selected the artists from over seven hundred applicants virtually all from Kent. The successful group members are: Sam Cowan (17) Lucy Jones (17) Kate Smerald (17) Ajay Donaldson (19) Helen Cook (18) and Emma Dawson (17).

What? Wait. Who are these people? That’s not the Hussey line-up I’m familiar with.

Creating a major new band such as Hussey involves many months of hard work and planning. Way back in January 2002, Terry Armstrong, CEO of TRIPLE-A MULTIMEDIA GROUP and band manager, first came up with the Hussey concept. What he was looking for was a fresh new look combined with dazzling talent, but most important of all was the Hussey attitude.

[…]

Husseys can be found in the most unusual of places, and in the following months, through a mixture of advertising and talent spotting, Terry and his team managed to find over seven hundred of them. But only six were to reign supreme and secure their places in Britain’s brightest young pop group.

Eventually two hundred of the very best and talented Husseys were shortlisted and invited to audition in front of a panel of top media experts. They were:

Terry Armstrong – CEO of TRIPLE-A MULTIMEDIA GROUP and Hussey’s manager.

Paul Drew – songwriter and lecturer at the Yamaha music school.

Emma Humphries – television presenter for Meridian.

Paul Johnson – DJ for Mercury FM.

David Stark – Editor of Songlink International.

Sadly, although Terry and his expert team thought they had found the ideal line-up for Hussey, as we all know, that line-up wasn’t to last soon the band were soon on the lookout for new members. By August 2003, they were ready to announce their new line-up: Sam, Emma, Carley, Marvin and Kate. Still not quite there. Actually, Carly only lasted a couple of months:

Triple A Management are delighted to introduce Sexy Sian as the new member of Hussey. Sian replaces the lovelorn Carley. Torn between love and London, she discovered that happiness was home in South Wales with her boyfriend. Hussey wish her well.

And so, by October 2003, the band was complete – Sam, Emma, Sian, Kate and Marvin. Except, hold on, this isn’t Marvin:

GAY MARVIN
Meet Gay Marvin, the newest member of your fav pop group. This sultry looking 18-year-old hails from Kent. An accomplished actor with many performances to his name, Marvin discovered his unique vocal talents during a one-off solo performance at his local college. A natural Hussey by nature (as anyone who lives in his hometown will vouch for!), a chance glimpse of a local news bulletin led him to the Hussey HQ for an audition. Now this sexy young charmer is embracing the Hussey lifestyle for real.

His sexy charms are sure to appeal to a whole new Hussey audience.

Two Gay Marvins?

Who put this band together? Joseph Stalin?

I’d always thought that Gay Marvin (or rather the Gay Marvin I met) was called Gay Marvin because his name was Marvin and he was gay and it was a sort of joke because it’s a bit like Marvin Gaye. I could accept. It made sense. But I find it hard to believe that this could be true for both Marvins. It’s not even like Marvin is that common a name. Now I don’t even know if either of them are really called Marvin or if either of them are really gay. I don’t know what to believe anymore. My whole world has been turned upside down.

OK, he might be gay.

I managed to find the video for Girls On Top on Youtube:

Unfortunately, the sound quality is really bad, so it sounds like they’re underwater. The video was uploaded by ArmstrongTerry. Terry Armstrong – the man who created Hussey! I wondered what he’d been up in the last few years. Unfortunately, things haven’t gone very well, as he explains here:

When I first started watching that video, I thought that maybe it was an attempt at a comedy sketch. I didn’t understand what was happening. Too many parts of the story pointed to tabloid clichés. Paedos, legal aid, Northern Rock. And statements like this:

Waste of time anyway really, because even if the paedophile was Hitler, we’d have lost…

Surely it couldn’t be for real? I like the bit where he talks about Uncle Harry and says “He married my aunt, which made him my ‘uncle'” as if this is a really spurious way for someone to be your uncle. There are only two ways to be someone’s uncle, and that’s one of them. “She was my mum’s sister, which made her my ‘aunt'”. “She gave birth to me, which made her my ‘mum'”.

It was confusing. He beat up a paedophile, but wasn’t charged with assault, so why was he losing his home? The relationship between Terry and Uncle Harry was a bit more complicated than that video suggested. Terry and his son had a financial arrangement with Uncle Harry, which is explained here:

After Harry had been caught exposing himself to children, Harry and his wife were forced to leave the east end. Terry arranged for them to buy his mother-in-law’s house. Terry’s aunt died, and so that Harry could stay on in the house, it was agreed that Terry’s son would buy the house and allow Harry to stay there, rent-free, for the rest of his life. It was then discovered that Harry had been abusing his five-year-old granddaughter and Terry either did or did not beat him up and Harry fled the area, claiming that Terry’s son had bullied him into leaving so that he could move into the house. And it was the court case over this property which eventually resulted in Terry defaulting on his mortgage and being evicted from his home:

Terry has set up a website for other people going through the same situation, well not quite the same situation, but facing repossession.

I hope Terry will be OK. I think he will be. He’ll survive:

Last year, Terry began to look for a new Hussey line-up. Maybe you could be a Hussey?

A true, genuine Hussey is hard to define. It’s not enough to be fashionable, or streetwise. Husseys can be found anywhere in the world, and it’s only when you meet one that you know. They have that unmistakable “something” that makes you look twice when you see them in the street.

However, there are things that all good Husseys have in common:
They all have their own sense of style – not somebody else’s!
All Husseys know what they want and will work hard to get it.
A true Hussey isn’t afraid to stand out from the crowd.
Natural sex appeal and the ability to use it!
They are leaders, not followers.

But most importantly, Husseys know how to have fun. Whether dancing in the clubs, hanging out with friends on a Saturday afternoon, or flirting with the boy next door, Husseys make the most of every opportunity to “have a laugh”.

Terry thinks these could be Husseys:

I’d love to see a pop group featuring Barbara Windsor, Leslie Ash, Saira Khan, Nadia Sawalha and Stephen Fry.

I mean, imagine the five of them performing Hussey Hustle:

It would be amazing.