NAMBY PAMBY
Written by James Ward
When I was at university, I remember one night lying in bed and – very clearly – hearing a voice say my name.
James
I didn’t think much of it at the time. There were five of us living in the house at the time, and four of them (including me) were called James, so I assumed that one of my flatmates must have still been up. Actually, two of my flatmates would have had to have been up, unless the one flatmate was talking to himself, which seems unlikely. The voice only said one word, “James”, and unlike my flatmates, didn’t have a northern accent.
It’s quite possible, almost certain in fact, that I said it myself. Drifting off to sleep, for whatever reason, I said my own name out loud. Loud enough, in fact, to wake myself up from my half-sleep. What was odd though, is that it sounded like the voice had come from the corner of the room, but I was only half-awake, so maybe I just dreamt that bit.
For the last few weeks, again as I’ve been lying in bed, my head has been filled with voices. They are often familiar voices, but all speaking at once. As soon as I’m able to identify a voice and try to hear what they are saying, they fade out. I can make out fragments of sentences sometimes, but usually it’s gibberish. Some are voices of people I know, some are voices of people from the television. Everyone talking over everyone else. These voices have no manners.
There’s an episode of Jon Ronson On… which is about “voices in your head”. Josie Long and Graham Linehan describe something similar to my experience. I’m not alone. There’s also the story of what happened to Eleanor Longden.
Auditory hallucinations “may be associated with psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia or mania, and holds special significance in diagnosing these conditions”, although I don’t think I’m psychotic.
Auditory hallucinations have been known to manifest as a result of intense stress, sleep deprivation, drug use, and errors in development of proper psychological processes.
It’s possible there have been some errors in the development of my psychological processes.
The other night, as I was going to sleep, I distinctly heard a robotic voice say the phrase “namby-pamby”. The voice came from behind me, so it would, had it been real, have been coming from the wall. I don’t want my bedroom wall to start insulting me in a robotic voice as I’m trying to go to sleep. It’s rude. Be nice, wall. Be nice.
JAMES WARD: I LIKE BORING THINGS 
If this is true, it is entirely possible that you *are* becoming mildly psychotic. That description is close to the experience of many schizophrenics I’ve known (I used to work on a psychiatric ward).
One thing you might want to try – assuming you don’t think you’re unwell enough to see a doctor about this – is vitamin B3 – niacin – which has had some success in getting rid of stress-related hallucinations (Dr Abram Hoffer hypothesises that adrenaline builds up in some people’s bodies faster than they can metabolise it, which turns it into a substance called adrenachrome, which is similar chemically to LSD. Niacin is well-known to help with bad acid trips). I am NOT a doctor or at all qualified, and I have NO way of knowing if this works, but I’ve had anecdotal reports from people I know that this has helped, and extra vitamins never hurt anyone.
Might as well give it a go, I guess.
“There’s an episode of Jon Ronson On… which is about “voices in your head”. Josie Long and Graham Linehan describe something similar to my experience. I’m not alone. There’s also the story of what happened to Eleanor Longden.”
Hey, what a strange coincidence: my wife wrote most of the music for that episode (including the opening section). She will be delighted when I tell her that James Ward (you remember, that guy who tried to change his name to James Ward by deed poll) cited her programme!
Haha, that’s amazing. It’s a fantastic series, my favourite thing on radio.
Allen Ginsberg heard the voice of William Blake once. At first he thought it was God. They must have similar accents.
For about a year I have heard objects talk to me — mixing my oatmeal in the AM with the spoon gives me Ya-di-Y-di-Ya and the guillotine paper cutter is very chatty: “Don’t do that” or “How about him?” and my coat zipper said, “Who IS that?” once when I pulled it up. My favourite was running water that said, “Religious doghouse!” which I took to mean Hell.
Objects may be speaking to me because for 4 years I have been scanning found objects and making digital graphics with them. I have almost 3,000, each catelogued. I guess they are happy to be honoured.
Fast asleep, during the 2 years I was writing my book The Pocket Lint Chronicles (450pp), I was woken in the middle of the night with a stern voice that said, “POC-O-LINT, the Game! Make me! Now!” I got up and wrote down all the rules and spent 3 weeks making it. It came out pretty much as it had been given to me in the middle of the night.
I’ll take voices like than any day or night.
I don’t worry about this at all. For me, it’s just added interest.
I have this happen to me very often, when I am about to fall asleep. Sometimes when I am extremely tired but cannot sleep. It’s always the voices of people I know, and they are usually saying things that they didn’t say, but probably would say. It is very unusual.