&PASTA
Written by James Ward
I went to &Pasta on Old Compton Street earlier.
I ordered penne arrabiata and a bottle of Peroni and took a seat and started listening to the Elis James and John Robins podcast.
About 10 minutes later, my food hadn’t arrived. 20 minutes in and I begin to notice that people who definitely came in after me have already been served. 30 minutes in and I google “restaurant waiting times”. 45 minutes in and I start to think “I’m going to actually have to complain. This is actually unacceptable. I am actually going to have to enter into some sort of confrontation. I really don’t want to do this but I am completely in the right.”
An hour and then I snap. I walk up to the counter and say “Hi. I’m sorry but I ordered some food about an hour ago and it didn’t arrive.”
“No, I wasn’t given a receipt. It was penne arrabiata and a Peroni.”
“Well I wasn’t sure if you’d had some sort of problem in the kitchen so that’s why I didn’t say anything sooner.”
“No I don’t want it now, I just want my money back.”
“I’ve already told you I wasn’t given a receipt.”
“Mate. Are you kidding me? You’re going to charge me for the Peroni?”
“Well I was dealing with that guy but he’s now wiping a plate with a cloth.”
“I’ve already said I don’t have a receipt.”
“OH YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME THIS IS BEYOND A JOKE. FORGET IT. FORGET IT. THIS IS CODSWALLOP” and then I walked out wishing I hadn’t said “codswallop” but also thinking that it was brilliant that I said “codswallop”.
JAMES WARD: I LIKE BORING THINGS 
I’ll have to remember to say codswallop. That’s a great word.
Codswallop is a great word and you were so right to use it, funny enough I can’t remember the last time I uttered it
I hope the &PASTA staff die in a pit of gravel.
(Not least because their restaurant name looks like an unterminated HTML entity.)
Your problem there is you went to a restaurant called &Pasta. You’ll be going to that cereal cafe next I expect.
Is this a joke? Surely no-one would not get a receipt and not complain for an hour then give up? Grow a pair!!!
Grow a pair of what?