JAMES WARD: I LIKE BORING THINGS

In 2016 I performed in a pantomime, got a Wikipedia page, went to Weston Super Mare and the Isle of Wight, I spoke about boring things to people from a multinational company in London and New York, I cried about David Bowie, I met cats and dogs, I got drunk and was interviewed on the radio, I bought a new coat, I laughed, I hid from the world, I dialled 999, I visited a nuclear bunker, I was insulted by Giles Coren, I made new friends and made up with old friends, I watched John Carpenter play the theme from Halloween on Halloween, I went on the night tube, I went to Kew Gardens, I gave up on a book proposal and started a new one and then gave up on that and went back to the original, I watched Stranger Things and Fleabag, I hurt my hip, I wrote things on my hand, I stayed in a toad-themed hotel, I sat on benches, I experienced sleep paralysis, I realised that mysteries are more interesting than answers, I sat in the park, I met relatives I’d never met before, I watched the river Thames flow past and thought about the world, I demonstrated my extensive knowledge of Christmas cracker jokes, I had CBT, I went to the cinema, I drank lots of water, I ate lots of sandwiches, a man tied my shoelaces for me, I went on a boat, I got bitten by insects, and I wore a tie every single day of the entire year.